Wow. So many choices. Very tough.
Then I started thinking……….people who think A LOT about what they are thankful for………..are smart people. Very smart.
So I made my choice……..but I’ll leave you in a bit of suspense as you think of yours. Not who you think you SHOULD say! No. Who are YOU at your core, when no one is around and looking, MOST thankful for.
And I’ll tell you the way I came up with my choices………..It’s an UNWAVERING SUPPORT that makes me feel a way that is different than others make me feel. A support so unique that it’s refreshing and liberating all in one. And when I compare most people in my life to my top 5, it’s easy to see the difference in the support.
So there are like 4 people tied for number 5. They didn’t make the top 4 so they don’t get a mention, but I appreciate them.
Number 4 is Stephen Luigi Piazza who we lost much too soon. His support of me created a confidence inside that I can’t ever thank him enough for. His genius was trusting people and pushing them to become great by letting them know he truly believed in what they could accomplish. Luigi was a true genius with the most unique leadership style I ever encountered.
Tied for 2 and 3 are my Mom and Dad. I know it’s cliché to say “mom and dad” but they were super supportive of everything I ever wanted to do. Everything. With no exceptions. Heck they basically let me run the house starting when I was 9. I made the rules, my dad put me in charge of a bunch of stuff, and I was very outspoken about how things should be done. No surprise there. They had tremendous confidence in my ability to make decisions. I was the only one of my friends in high school with no curfew. I know my dad’s thought process was “if I trust him with these types of decisions, he will do the right thing”. And he was right.
Then I started thinking that if you give people unwavering support, that might be the best thing you can give someone. Is it that simple? It just might be.
And then I started thinking about how I should cut people out of my day to day that are not on the “unwavering support” program. I mean why am I even talking to these people. In a lot of ways they take the “sharpness” off the edge that makes you great. Think about that analogy for a while. Who is dulling your sharpness? Ok, let’s move on………….
Then I started thinking of how thankful I am for my wife. Without a doubt she is numero uno. And not just because Andrea is an A+ in every way. It’s an unwavering support that makes me feel a way that is different than I have before. Andrea has a way of trusting and believing in what her and I are doing, that makes me feel a certain power of togetherness. It’s like a magical gift. Never really seen it before.
That’s it. Something to make you think on a day to be thankful.
Give people unwavering support. And Happy Thanksgiving.
This week in my office I saw people working and ramping up their inner fire. It was beautiful to see. It’s a key question I bring up now in interviews. I want to know about inner fire. I don’t care that much about experience or tenure. I care about what is inside of people and if they are closer to a 1 or a 7 (more on that later).
Why do I bring up the concept of inner fire? Because I believe nothing great can be achieved in sports or in business if you aren’t working with a HIGH INNER FIRE on a daily basis.
The reason SO MANY PEOPLE IN THE WORLD ARE SO AVERAGE……….isn’t for the reasons you think. It’s because they can’t light that inner fire every single day. Most people will do it 3 days a week. Some can only do 2. Some don’t do any. And a very rare few do 4.
But almost NO ONE does 7. That’s why they’re unique. Unicorns of sort. People who figure out how to LIGHT THEIR INNER FIRE (operate with passion) 7 days a week………….are CEO’s, Major League Baseball Players, PGA Tour Players, COO’s, etc etc.
In fact, society tells us to NOT light that inner fire 7 days a week. You’re not “supposed to” be working all the time. You “need downtime to recharge”. Almost every successful person I have ever known (and most likely my definition of “successful” is different than yours) had a lit up fire 7 days a week. Hard to get to “epic” status at anything if you aren’t lit up 7 days a week. Cause others are. And life is a competition.
My one question is this: Why do we not question the basketball player going hard 7 days a week, staying up until 10pm shooting free throws and bicycling 5 miles to practice everyday but we tell the guy who stays in the office until 9 and is back in at 5 that he needs to have a more balanced life and there’s more to life than “work”? Who are we to douse that inner fire?
You don’t even have to work 14 hour days 7 days a week, you just have to be fired up when you do. A person who is LIT UP and works only 9 hours a day is more valuable than someone who just passes through a 12 hour work day with no fire or energy.
Think about that as you go into your week this week. Are you looking to “light it up”? Are you going to impact everyone around you with your inner fire? You don’t have to be loud or a big mouth to do it. People will feel it.
Is your drive in to work on Monday morning spent “getting fired up” for your day? Or are you just passing time and distracting yourself until you arrive?
Your inner fire does 2 things. It helps you, and it helps everyone around you.
It takes effort and focus to light it. You gotta make a decision that it’s important to you and your mission.
This weekend marks a year of me being married. Really and truly never thought I would type the words “me” and “married” in the same sentence. Just never really made sense to me. Then things changed and man do I have it good. I mean really good. Sort of crazy, actually. I’m not sure that “jackpot” is strong enough to describe my current status.
Ok, let’s quickly switch gears.
I was at the airport recently and observed this lady screaming at the top of her lungs at her husband. I am talking full meltdown here and with a crowd. This was a “I gotta stop and watch this train wreck” kind of situation and I’m the guy who thinks that people who slow down on the freeway to see what happened have nothing better to do with their lives. I never slow down. Ever. But I couldn’t help myself here. This was a true “til death do us part” deal breaker yelling scene.
Now at this point some of my key instincts kicked in. How do I help her? How do I help him? Do I somehow make a joke about “cultivating a great relationship”………….nah probably a bad idea at this point. Even I know that.
All I could imagine is how brutal this must be. Don’t think you can get to an episode like this and have it be a one-off. Can you? I don’t think so. I also started thinking about how much alcohol or foreign substances need to be consumed in this household to keep things from rambling out of control. Yea, alcohol is definitely a logical explanation.
I believe in the human race and mankind…..but it goes down fractionally every time I see episodes like these……….it’s really sort of crazy. Only second to people whose cars are a complete mess—hard for me to imagine.
So, what’s the moral of all this mess? I need to get my wife a nice gift. She needs to know that I really respect her and appreciate the fact that she loves me in an A+ over the top way. Makes me feel very good.
Basically, I need her to know that I realize I hit the jackpot.
Thanks airport lady.
As we meander our way through life, we have many thoughts that consume us. Some that worry us. Some we stress over. Some are accurate. MANY are inaccurate……….so how do we stop caring about these things that trouble us?
Most of the these thoughts that involve the BIG 3 (see below) are INACCURATE. The less you think about them, the better off, more at ease, and more stress free you will be.
AWARENESS of these 3 as they cross your mind are important.
- Your employer doesn’t care about you that much. Doesn’t mean it’s not a good place to work………just don’t get too wound up in what they think. One of the reasons I feel I have had some success in leading people is that I actually do care about them. I never realized this in my 20’s and 30’s but as I get older and get to know other owners………they don’t really care about their employees that much which is why working for them sucks. 90% of employers are filling a spot. You are in that spot……….unless you are REALLY VALUABLE or you work for the very rare employer who REALLY VALUES people. 3 days after you leave, no one will talk about you. So either find a 1 out of 10 or don’t worry that much if they don’t seem to be in love with you. It doesn’t matter to them. Hard truth: you don’t matter to them.
- Most of the drama that surrounds your life by your family and friends has nothing to do with anything that can help you and they are basically filling time for themselves and including you in it. In other words…….most people have very little to do so they kill time by creating a dramatic game in their life to interest them. You are a pawn in it. Get out!! Stop getting involved with drama and wasting your time. Focus on productive issues that make you better. Stop being a sucker.
- People you run into who annoy you that you will never see again are not worth getting annoyed over. Most service people suck—valet, servers, cashiers. You can’t blame them; they encounter some angry people throughout the day and most feel like their bosses don’t care about them much. They’re in a position where they’re replaceable. The problem is we have to deal with them. Try to change the narrative if you can. Spend time appreciating their service and if they’re doing something wrong, give them feedback. Be the customer who thanks them for their service.
If you don’t understand this blog, you probably are a working stiff, with a lot of drama in your life, and you put up with a lot of shitty service!!
My man Nick Saban rolled to his 5th National Title in 9 years and kept the ROLL TIDE dynasty moving with an outstanding win in an unbelievable game. Some are saying it was the greatest game of the decade. It was pretty epic.
More than anything I was inspired and moved almost to tears by the actions of one player. The player that got benched. The player that had been 25-2 in his career coming into the game. The player who struggled.
Prior to the game I didn’t have much feeling for him one way or another. He was mainly a running QB playing on a team with a great defense and great tradition.
But on this night he didn’t have his best stuff. And when they went in at halftime down 13-0, he was playing poorly.
Keep in mind Hurts was the PLAYER OF THE YEAR the prior year in the SEC Conference as a true freshman. He was THE MAN.
But on this night he was benched. Nick Saban went into the locker room at halftime and told him and his back up (Tua Tagovailoa), “we’re gonna rotate QB’S in the 2ND half and Tua is gonna start us off”.
Wow. The National Championship and you’re benched at halftime. That’s gotta sting.
So how do you respond?
Well folks it was inspiring. He was the biggest cheerleader for the back up QB in the 2nd half. He was first off the sideline to congratulate him when he made a great play. He was totally ENGAGED with him on the sidelines. Keep in mind his back up was a TRUE FRESHMAN who was playing on a high school football field a year ago. You think it was helpful to Tua to have last year’s player of the year pushing him forward and encouraging him? Think it helped his performance? I think it did. I think it was a difference maker.
I know 40 year old’s who would have pouted if they got benched. This kid was in the GAME OF HIS LIFE, and he had the poise and inner strength to not make it about him………he made it about the team. And I can’t stop thinking about it.
And moreover, how come Jalen Hurts wasn’t rooting for him to not do well so he could get back in like so many other kids would? After all, Saban said “we’re gonna rotate in the 2nd half”…………… Well I’m not sure but I got the tape queued up so I can show my future children what being a great teammate looks like. Jalen Hurts showed us.
And it was so epic.
“It’s the greatest path to peace of mind.” -Jeffrey T. Klein
Klein is a good friend of mine. When he sent me this in a text, it immediately impacted my overall thinking.
So many of us have our own ideas and thought processes that are hard wired. Too infrequently do we live in consideration. Consideration, deep consideration, for others is without a doubt the greatest path to peace of mind.
The substitution of habitual thoughts is key. And you have to be aware of your thoughts to make this happen. Instead of getting incredibly frustrated with that dumbass in the meeting or your family member who makes the worst decisions, consider why they are who they are. What are THEY going through? Why do they conduct themselves the way they do? Or even….what is it about them you find so frustrating? Why is that? Is it something they’re doing or is it how you were raised?
Think about how often it happens to you in life. Inevitably, you experience thoughts that lack consideration multiple times throughout your day or week. I do, too. The waiter not going fast enough for you. The lady at the checkout counter a little spacey. You don’t like how the guy negotiating the deal with you is going about things. How were THEY raised? What values were THEY taught at a young age that are in conflict with yours? Think about what they may be going through or maybe the advantages you have had that they have not.
CONSIDERATION. There is no other way to live. And maybe you’ll make them (and yourself) a little better in the process.
Think about something you are terrible at. Now imagine if you had to perform doing it without much practice….or guidance. That might be what someone else is going through right in front of your eyes. Maybe they have never had someone step up to show them a different way.
Every day you likely meet with friends, family, and coworkers you don’t always appreciate or get along with. This week, I challenge you to reflect on why that is.
Is there anything more important than peace of mind? You can control it more starting tomorrow by implementing consideration.
Happy Sunday Morning. Have a beautiful week considering and make it a noteworthy one.
Leadership is something that comes in all forms. I’ve seen good, I’ve seen bad, I’ve seen indifferent. There is nothing more important to an organization or to a young person’s career than great leadership. Some of the best I’ve been able to work with did phenomenal things to help me get better. Often it came with a little push, a lot of love, and at times a great sit down talk to get through to my hard head.
I think there are 4 essential things a great leader needs to do and I think if you want to be a good leader you can learn how to do these.
- Love your people. We all have a choice every day to find something right or wrong with the people we lead and love. Choosing to figure out what you love about them, will help you make them better as you can start from a firm base and get on same page with their strengths.
- Believe in what your people can do. Did you know a lot of people in our world have NEVER had anyone tell them they believe in them? It’s crazy but it’s true. One of my business mentor’s Steve Piazza was the absolute best at believing in the people on his team when I worked with him. He believed in PEOPLE. Didn’t matter really who you were, if you were on his team, he thought you could be great. It’s a skill to think this way, and believe me developing this skill is critical to becoming a great leader.
- Inspire a love of learning. If you can teach people to love learning, you will go far. There is nothing more powerful than helping someone expand their mind. I think I read somewhere that “knowledge is power”. Inspire people to love to learn.
- Challenge your peeps to grow themselves every day. Most people need a push to get “out of the box” or “out of their comfort zone”. Have the awareness to recognize other’s tendencies and help them see things they can’t see for themselves. I think that truly caring about people involves pushing them to new heights.
If you follow these 4 steps you will not only be known as a great leader but you will also see your team succeed and achieve new heights. Knowing you have a hand in that success is one of the best feelings, nurture it.
This past week in the news Capital One put out a press release, announcing they are shutting down the mortgage division of their company because “it’s too competitive”. That’s literally what the leadership said. It’s too competitive. Wowza.
So I took a step back and sort of thought about that. I can’t imagine telling my team that I just decided we’re done ’cause it’s “too tough”.
There’s a lot of risk when starting any company or a new division to a company. There are a lot of challenges involved, responsibilities to people, their families and the team in general. For me, it was a lifelong goal to have my own business and focus more on the client experience and deliver on a promise of something better than all the “me too” mortgage nonsense going on in the world. It was so glaringly obvious that the consumer needed a company that was focused on them. So that conversation turned into a dozen people……. and a year later we started to pick up some steam. We’re still growing at Hall Financial and that’s a big endeavor each and every day. As we continued to grow our business we have had to make choices. One of our early big decisions was do we stay small or do we expand?
It might be my name on the front door, but it’s far from just me making the decisions. In fact it’s a highly collaborative effort amongst the team.
I like to build consensus and make decisions as a team.
Back to Capital One………1100 people lost their jobs. That’s a big deal. And the leaders told the world it’s because they thought it was too hard. You would think they might say something like, “It makes more sense for the company as a whole if we focus on our previous endeavors and will be relocating these employees to the credit card division because we value them.” But they didn’t. In fact it wasn’t even close to that. Sort of a head scratcher.
I think leadership has a lot to do with a willingness to do what’s tough when things get tough. And more importantly…….. keeping a keen focus on developing people to see them hit their “ceiling”. So they can develop into their “best self”. I’m pretty sure that’s not how Capital One thinks about the world.
Man, the credit card business must be a lot easier than I thought.
I am asking former Capital One employees to reach out to me. I want to hear more about this story. And if you also have an “unusual ambition and hunger to succeed” (our saying at Hall Financial) then we want to hire you so you can join us in our mission to become really great. Even if it is hard.
So which type of leader are you? Or do you want to work for?
Have a great Sunday.
Last week I turned 47 (seems unreal with my boyish good looks), and it’s a great time for self-reflection. For one, it’s impossible that I’m closer to 60 than I am to 35. Just crazy. But I sort of love it. Cause the goal of life should be to enjoy, grow old, compete, have fun, love as hard as you can love, and contribute to society. Not necessarily in that order.
So you start to think back about things………and I remember as a kid hearing an “old man” (at the time, my age now) tell me that the sure sign of maturity was when you’d “choose Napa over Vegas” as a vacation. Bingo!! Stage 1 of adulthood…….there it is. Passed that one at age 37.
It’s been a while.
Then in recent years, I started thinking a lot about my own mortality. Deeply. And sort of somberly. But a lot of good came from it. Cause I realized that attacking life with boundless enthusiasm was my gift and most folks either don’t know how or don’t want to. And it’s a differentiator. BINGO!! Stage 2 of adulthood: use your gifts. They are yours and being you is the most important thing you can be once you realize who you are and who you want to be.
Lastly, stage 3 has been something I’ve been considering for quite a while: social media. What does it mean and why does it exist and why do we read it and who really cares? BINGO………Stage 3 hit me as I was cooking dinner with my wife—my life is good. When you realize no one else’s life is better than yours, no matter how hard people try to portray theirs as better, you’ve grown up.
It’s important to remember that everyone needs to make these “discoveries” on their own. No one can be told “this is how it goes so just believe me”. It seems we all need to go thru our own struggles to “figure it out” on our own.
So in conclusion……………..
3 stages of adulthood:
- Napa is better than Vegas
- Be you
- Social media is a mirage of nonsense, and most people’s lives aren’t as glamourous as they make it out to be. They are “marketing” their lives to you. You’re good.
Have a great week!!
Have you ever really listened to this song? We all know the lyrics, we all sing along. But have you paid attention to what it’s about?
This week I turned one year closer to the big 5-0 but I can honestly say I don’t feel old. I don’t even feel close to it. I feel young, like I’m always in my best years and I can attribute a lot of that to the people I surround myself with: wife, friends, family, coworkers. I make a conscious effort of not wasting my time with people who bring me down because anybody who knows me knows I’ve got big dreams. I don’t settle. It’s the one thing I’m very clear about educating my team on: be a goal digger. Be a battery charger. Surround yourself with the right people.
Ok, so maybe that’s three things.
To me, this song is all about surrounding yourself with the right people. There will always be that one person who craves drama and gossip and who will try to bring you down to make themselves feel good, to make themselves look better. Don’t get sucked in. Don’t contribute to the gossip. Don’t go smelling other people’s laundry. Just make sure to keep your own clean. The only one you should be competing with is who you were yesterday.
This week, make a conscious effort to clean your laundry. Surround yourself with those who will support you, push you to chase your goals, pump you up, and leave your dirty laundry alone.
After all, success doesn’t come from poor attitudes. It comes from a positive mindset.